That was a nice long holiday. I’m glad to be back, though. Let’s start the new year with a look at some coaching basics.
You are one person. So am I. Each of us has one life. Your business or career is part of that life. Contrary to popular expression, you are not one person at home and a different person at work. You are one person. You carry your likes and dislikes, your hopes and aspirations, and your foibles and idiosyncrasies with you, back and forth, between these two different worlds. And, sometimes, you make decisions in one world that are not compatible with your life in the other world. Over time, that gets you a bit mixed up.
My job as a coach is to get you unmixed up and help you live the life you want to live. Everybody has their own personal desires, of course, so coaching must take place on an individual basis.
Some people want success in their career or business above all else. Some want a happy marriage. Some want to contribute. Some want to be better parents. There are those that want to be healthy and energetic. Some people want all of this. My objective as a coach is to help you accomplish your goals, whatever they are.
I believe there are no business problems – there are only personal problems .To put it another way — All business problems have personal solutions. Think of this — If you take all the people out of a business, what do you have? All you have is a building with stuff in it. If you eliminate all the customers from a business, what is left? Nothing! The business is dead! There is no business. It’s a wonder, then, that we go about trying to solve business problems by trying to change something in the business. What we need to be doing is coaching basics – help people change themselves or their actions.
Businesses have problems only because the people associated with that business have problems. It’s the people that have the problems, not the business. If the people have the problems, solving the problems becomes a people issue. Does that makes sense?
We know that the biggest and most prevalent problem that people have is the fear of not being enough, of not being accepted. This is another coaching basic. We are constantly afraid that we will be rejected by our peers, that we are not good enough for them, and that we will not be loved in our personal life.
This is a hangover from our pre-human development. As an animal species, we are extremely weak and vulnerable. We could only survive the dangers of a prehistoric world by living in groups – we could not survive alone. Being accepted in a group is a natural, instinctive, defense mechanism, and it’s only natural that, after millions of years of this conditioning, we have developed an innate fear of being unwanted, unneeded and unloved.
If you don’t believe me, imagine you are part of a group of people whom you don’t like very much – people with whom you would not normally associate, and certainly not invite to your home, people who would make you feel ashamed if a close friend saw you out with them. You have no desire to socialize with these people: this is an unfortunate situation that has been forced on you. Imagine they all decide to go out for lunch but do not invite you. Rationally, you might say, “Thank goodness!” but deep down in your gut you feel hurt. Why didn’t they invite me? Am I not good enough, even for them?
Have you ever felt like a fraud? I’m sure there isn’t anyone reading this who hasn’t felt that at least once. There you are, in front of a room full of your associates or your managers, all with problems and all looking to you for solutions. You are being paid good money to come up with solutions. And you have none. It is so easy to feel like a fraud, but look on the bright side.
You can do some things much better than others. Everybody has something they do well that comes naturally to them. It’s something you do better than 90% of all other people in the world. That’s another one of our coaching basics, too. When I coach someone it’s so exciting – because that’s what I look for. I look for your strengths – the strengths that will make you excellent at your job. It is already in you. I just need to find it and bring it out. And that is beautiful to see – and so rewarding!… I love my job! Do you love yours?
Write to me and tell me if you love your job and why.